A Quick Guide to What it Really
I think we’ll start off with a few dives in Temple.
We need to hold a buoyancy masterclass before I’m going to unleash
these maniacs on a half-decent dive site.
Dave the instructor is ex-army, bit of a stickler
for procedure, but he runs a good boat.
He’s suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and is prone
to flashbacks. He made someone walk the plank a few trips back when they
didn’t get kitted up quickly enough.
Isn’t it amazing what they can cook in
such a little galley?
What on earth is this green stuff? How far is the nearest McDonalds?
Whoops, it’s a little bit cramped here
on the dive deck, please do excuse me.
If you swing that tank near my head one more time, I’m going to
‘accidentally’ drop my weight belt right on your foot.
Steve knows a lot about marine animals, doesn’t
He’s been following me all over the boat banging on about wobbegong
sub-species for three days, solid. Frankly, I’m getting scared.
I noticed that you and that Emma stayed up chatting
late last night.
And if you laid so much as a finger on her I’m going to stab you
and throw you overboard. She’s mine! Mine, I tell you! Aaargh!
That was a really choppy journey last night –
everyone okay this morning?
I was as sick as a dog the whole night. Please, God, I wasn’t the
You have to understand, the captain is an enigmatic
He doesn’t like divers, and more to the point he doesn’t like
Mike’s a very strong character, isn’t
Mike’s a loudmouth pain in the arse, and I only hope you despise
him as much as I do.
The divemaster won’t be joining you for
the night dive, as he’s got to clean out the toilet pipes.
Some selfish sod’s blocked up the system with loo paper, and we
fully intend to chuck the whole ghastly mess overboard just as you lot